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User talk:Demonunicorn
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Humpty's Suicide page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! LOLSKELETONS (talk) 01:06, August 13, 2013 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it shows excessive use of clichés, or it follow a storyline that makes it generic, compared to other pastas. Please revise your story accordingly and pass the new version through Deletion Appeal, to see it back in the wiki. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again without any major changes, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. — LOLSKELETONS (talk • ) 01:10, August 13, 2013 (UTC) PLEASE BE AWARE: You have been given an automatic 1 day block from editing because you have not updated the with your new story/stories. This has become a MAJOR problem, and seeing as ALL THE RULES AND REGULATIONS are posted to your talk page as soon as you edit a page (AND I KNOW YOU GET NOTIFICATION OF THIS), there is no logical excuse not to have updated it. See and for more information. [[User:Sloshedtrain|'Sloshedtrain']] [[User_Talk:Sloshedtrain|'Talk']] 04:07, September 6, 2013 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:02, December 6, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:12, June 29, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:35, June 29, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story The story was almost unreadable due to coding errors that made the text the same color as the background: I've been dragged into hell. was how the story looked in editor mode on every line. I viewed it in editor mode so I could read it and that is where I found a number of issues with wording, story, and punctuation. Please note I won't grab every example as that coding is on every line and it makes it very hard to copy/paste. Wording issues: "I saw that I (it) had a long face.", "The thing was whitish and it beared (sic) a menacing height." (Additionally a lot more description is needed than white and tall with a long face.), "My heart ached for a moment as I stated (stared) at their honest eyes." (Additional awkward phrasing), "My heart beated (beat) more and more faster when I heard low voice". "Before I did fall into deep sleep after a long time attempting to, I heard several spaced creaks." Awkward phrasing. "I felt a grab on my leg and soon came a push." Pull. works better in the situation as earlier lines imply you were dragged not pushed or shoved. Fragmented sentences: "In an asylum."Avoid these at all costs as it makes the story come off as unfinished/a rough draft. Story issues: the story is incredibly rushed and you try to break into the horror elements with little to no build-up. "Recently though, I came in contact with an evil spirit that I saw on the ground of the farm." (That line just comes off as nonchalant and out-of-place with the tone you were going for.) Cliches: " I saw myself on a crucifix burning endlessy, crying blood." Avoid bloody tears, it's been done to death. (As have black/red eyes.) Hell is also very nondescript and needs a lot more to build the scene and horror. There's a lot of description missing from this story giving it a very anemic feel. The ending: "There were no funny cat videos. There was no video games. There weren't any comedy films to cheer you up. No one ever existed. Not your mother, not your father. Nothing did. Emptiness. That's the real hell." This really just seems tacked on as you spent earlier sections describing hell. It seems like you wanted to end it more cerebrally, but hadn't really steered the story in that direction or foreshadowed it. The story feels rushed, there are numerous wording issues, cliches, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:55, June 29, 2015 (UTC) :You have to make a deletion appeal unless it is complete re-written and altered from the original. See the message above: "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again without any major changes, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules." As without this rule, we'd have users making minor changes to the story and reuploading them. I'd strongly suggest taking it to the Writer's Workshop and revising it before making an appeal and attaching a copy (using pastebin) or a link to the WW. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:46, June 29, 2015 (UTC)